I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
