Duck Duck Cougar?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
