You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
