I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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