AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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