I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
