Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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