I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize