I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
