we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
