I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
