so that wasnt chicken after all
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
