u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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