she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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