Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
