turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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