Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
