Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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