Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
