That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
