I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We have started to decorate penises.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
