So drunk its hurt
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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