ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
this just has baby written all over it
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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