yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
