He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
