I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
