so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize