i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i would punch a child for taco bell
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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