No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
