He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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