Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
