i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
