There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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