Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
