Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
