I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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