don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just found puke in my bra..
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
