Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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