so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
