My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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