from now on my penis is your penis
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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