So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
