You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
