She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
