Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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