when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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