3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Randomize
