Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize