I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
