I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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