Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
