She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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