Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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