I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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