She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
