I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
