dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
