my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
