people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize