pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well I just put wine in my tea
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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