Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
