College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
