so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
