btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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