Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
well you can't waste a boner
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize