I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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