Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
