why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
