names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
