I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
