Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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