It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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