you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
