On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
