In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
