her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
