How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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