Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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