she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
