ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
