i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
