and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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