i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
