Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
