Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
