I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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