respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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