she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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