I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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