What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize