and you said cock pushups were impossible
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
