Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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