Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
