My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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