Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize